Posted by: Darcel | July 17, 2009

Conscious Friday. Love the Behavior,too

:: Love the Behavior, Too ::

When a child’s behavior is deemed inappropriate, the
conventional wisdom is to “Love the child, hate the

Hmmm… It’d be nice if children could make the subtle
distinction between self and behavior, but even adults
have a hard time with that! If your partner tells you
s/he hates your behavior, is it any less discouraging
to hear, “but I love YOU”?

Our behavior is a reflection of who we are at the
moment. Hating your child’s behavior is like saying
you don’t love the part of your child that wants to
behave that way. To love unconditionally, you must
find a way to love the behavior, too.

Fortunately, *loving* unwanted behavior doesn’t mean
*wanting* it or even tolerating it. You can love
unwanted behavior even as you take steps to change it!

But be open to the possibility that Love will
transform you, your child, and your relationship, such
that you no longer feel a need to change anything.

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!

Stop by the Necessary Room for more Conscious Friday.



  1. Oh I highly recommend ‘Unconditional Parenting’ too 🙂

  2. * Popping in from over at
    Great Post!

  3. @meorthethoughtofme
    I have not read that book yet, but I have heard about it. I think I’ll pick it up.

  4. What a great post. Makes you really think. Have you read “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn? This reminds me of a lot of what he says in the book.

  5. That is definitely a great perspective to share with others. Thanks so much for posting this.

    Glad to visit, as always.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: