Posted by: Darcel | May 4, 2009

So I’ve been thinking

About becoming a doula. I love everything pregnancy and birth. I love being pregnant and giving birth. I want to help women bring their miracles into the world. That is something I could never get tired of.
I would want my focus to be on homebirth, as that is where my heart is.
I have several things on the table right now that I would love to do. All of them are things that I can control. I control when and if I work. The funny thing is, I feel like I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Being a mommy. Yet I have this nagging voice in the back of my head that says “you should be doing more” I don’t like the word should. It implies that what you are doing or about to do is all wrong, how someone feels is wrong.

Lately I’ve been feeling the weight of being a woman, wife and mother.
I never realized how much my family needs me, and depends on me.
I have the job of being a help meet to my husband, and a mother to our girls. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is. I’m the CEO of this house.
I’m the female role model for my girls. I noticed they are really paying attention to everything I say and do. Especially Nakiah. I need to really practice what I preach.
So I try not to think of it as weight because that makes you think of something heavy. I would like to think of this job as a gift.

Why do I always feel the need for more? I am trying to live up to what I think people expect from me? I don’t know….sometimes I feel like I really want to do these things. I have a passion for all of them. Maybe the timing isn’t right. I’m not sure, but I don’t like that I’ve allowed myself to feel like I must impress anyone or be super mom. Or am I feeling that I need and want to do more? I think I have a lot to offer and I’m excited about all I want to do. I see big things happening.

I suppose I needed to get my feelings out. These are just a few of the things I’ve been thinking about lately.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: