Posted by: Darcel | April 2, 2008

Mommy Guilt

WOW!!!! It’s been a long time, huh? We are finally settled into our new home, and we love it!
Charles and I are both working. It feels good to bring home a pay check. I’m part time, so I still get to be with the girls. I feel bad, because I feel like Ava won’t get the same attention that Nakiah got the first 3 years of her life. Charles says I shouldn’t worry about it, or feel bad, but I do. I’m having tons of Mommy Guilt right now. On top of that we’ll probably end up putting them in daycare part time. I never thought I would put my kids in daycare. I’m still having trouble coming to terms with that. I know daycares aren’t evil. I’ve just always wanted to stay home. I want to work from home. My Goal is to be a full time SAH/WAHM within the next 2 years. Nakiah is also going to start classes a few times a week this summer. I think she’ll enjoy that alot. I think it will be hard on her at first being in daycare, even for several hours a week, but I htink she’ll end up liking that a lot as well.

I am really struggling with this. I’m excited to be working again, but I feel so bad at the same time. I wish this feeling would go away! I’m jealous of all of the women who get to be a full time SAHM. Yea, I did it for 4 years, but the truth is that I should’ve worked from the beginning. We couldn’t afford for me to stay home, and that’s probably why we’re in the financial situation we’re in now. We agreed that I would work only if one of us was home with the girls all the time. Now we have these conflicting schedules, only by an hour or two. I’m calling the day care provider tomorrow to find out her hours. A good friend recommended her. I’m telling you, the guilt is driving me crazy! I thought I would make it a full year breastfeeding Ava, but going back to work she is going to need a bottle or two while I’m gone. She’s eating more solids now, but it’s not the main source of her nutrition. Maybe I’m being way too hard on myself. I can’t help it, this is how I feel.

On a good note, the girls are adjusting well to the move. We love the area of town we live in, and can’t wait for spring/summer to get here. There is tons to do, and I can’t wait. I’m so excited about starting this new chapter of our lives!

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